Another Angel

I found out on Labor Day that I was officially pregnant again. I had to take three tests just for proof and they were all positive! I called the doctor and did two blood tests and those came back positive as well. As you can imagine, I was in complete shock! After all, we tried for what seemed like an eternity to get pregnant and never could and then all of a sudden, I am pregnant?! But, you hear about these things all the time, right?! After a few days of denial I started to try to wrap my brain around what was happening. Me? Two kids? Really? We have been around this block a few times so we did not want to say anything until we knew for sure. I went for my first sonogram and I was technically supposed to be 7 weeks that day. Our sonogram lady couldn't see much except for a sac and maybe the fetal pole. We knew that was not quite right, but we also thought that maybe my dates were off. We waited a week and went back! This time we saw some progress and a heartbeat. It was 154 and Judy said that anything over 50 was good. My doctor cautioned me and said, "we are not out of the woods yet" so I knew not to get my hopes up. She also told me she thought it would be good for me to come back once a week for a sonogram just so we could keep up with the progress. Well, the tough side in me thought I can wait for two weeks before the next sonogram, but I changed my mind and I am so glad I did! I went back this past Friday for my third sonogram and Judy could not find the heartbeat. I have to admit I wasn't surprised by this news as I had prepared myself for the worst beforehand. You kinda get used to hearing bad news when you go through as many things as we have, but it still stings when you hear it. I went ahead and scheduled the D&C for Monday and got that over with. Physically, I am feeling fine. Emotionally, I am doing ok. Anytime something like this happens you have a lot to process and think about. It's a rollercoaster. I am so happy and content with Clara Beth that it was hard for me to think about another person in our world. But then when I thought about that new person I was happy and excited to think that we were going to have another someone to bring us as much joy as Clara Beth has. However, as I said before, we have been down this road and every time we find out again that God has a bigger and a better plan. Randy and I discussed whether or not these little embryos with beating hearts will be waiting on us in Heaven. Maybe they will be little fireflies with wings. I can only imagine, but I know that if they are there we will have three waiting on us.